Thursday, January 13, 2011

Half a bucketful...

I never consistently tried maintaining a blog for more than a year.
It's always been a period of a few months to a mere few weeks.
I don't know why it never worked out though...

I'd usually have a lot of passion for the first few weeks...but almost like a candle burning, it extinguishes when no wax is left to replenish the fuel for burning.

I've had several blogs over the years, Xanga was probably the one that I kept longest.
But blogs are just sometimes way too "public".
It would probably be better if there was an automatic sensor to each entry as to who can read it.

You can't be too explicit in the things you say, and yet you don't want to keep it too vague.
But what's the point of writing in a public domain when you want to keep things private?
Why not keep your own diary instead? Isn't that going to be easier? You keep the details disclosed to only yourself, and no one else.
But dilemma comes when you read blogs by other people. You sorta feel that you want to do the same, to voice out your opinion to the world instead.

There it is again. My dilemma...

That's probably why I never got to finishing and keeping any of the online blogs I've ever had.

Maybe I should just start writing about random topics instead.
Start up a blog of random thoughts.
Nothing personal.
Just random stuff.

Now...that is a thought...
Something that I might keep going back to.
Every once in a while.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Something that I never had...

Perhaps...
it's the scary unknown
the vast emptiness
silent
engulfing

Can't you see
been caught up too long
lingering
hoping

Unexplainable
irrational
I've reached the bottom
waiting

Pause.

I don't want to fall
made up my mind
it's all or nothing at all

Stop.

because it wasn't
not even merely
a thing I never had
something that wasn't meant to be

***

Somedays I just keep pretending
That you'll stay
Dreaming of a different ending
I wanna hold on
But it hurts so bad
And I can't keep something that I never had

I keep tellin' myself
Things can turn around with time
And if I wait it out
You could always change your mind
Like a fairy tale
Where it works out in the end
Can I close my eyes
Having you lying here again
Then I come back down
Then I fade back in
Then I realize
It's just what might have been

You don't see me
You don't feel me like I feel you.

***

It's a long time since I last blogged here...
Online blogging never really did seem to work out for me...

I either think it's not appropriate to post...or I'm just too lazy to write...
But one thing never changes...
Writing helps to ease my mind and soul...

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Stream of Thoughts.

I hate bearing the burden of an unfinished paper.
Not to mention the unpleasant gloom of an "unfinished" exam.

And the fact that Winter is FINALLY in the air is not helping. Not the slightest.

I am desperate to go out and embrace the spirit of Christmas.
But all I can do now is stay put at home and struggle to concentrate on the last piece of paper for this semester.

Such a bummer.
URGH!

On a side note, I'm utterly looking forward to having a crazy-magical-cam-whoring time at HK Disney this Thursday.
LOL!
Can't wait, can't wait, can't wait!!!

What more than a magical day at "Disneyland - Sparkling Christmas" to lift the moods and celebrate the "soon-to-end" semester?



And I think I'm addicted to Mariah Carey's "I Stay in Love".
I've been hitting that repeat button each time the song stops on my computer.

And Jason Mraz is also pretty good. Surprisingly.
It's not the type of R&B music I usually like but it gives me a completely peaceful feeling after I've listened to it.
Such an amazing voice.

And I think I'm spending too much time on MySpace.com listening to music. LOL!!

Friday, August 22, 2008

Amazement.

I've been anticipating the Beijing Olympics since the word got out that it'll be fantastic this year.
All the secretive rehearsals...the excited atmosphere...the rumours of who'll be the last one to pass the Olympic torch...
Everything's got me to look forward to the 2008 Beijing Olympics greatly.

And after watching the Opening Ceremony for 4 hours...
I must say, China is AWESOME!!
Woot!! Woot!!
I'm in absolute AWE at the creativity and the tidiness of all the people!!

The Opening Ceremony was utterly amazing!!
Very extravagant, very appealing to visual, very sensational!!!
(It was kinda sad that there wasn't much explanation though...it would have been better if there was a narrator or something...)

All the same...
Can I say, tonight...
I'm truly PROUD to be a Chinese!!!!

Not so part of the group.

I figured out it's not the question of "fitting-in"...but the question of "belonging-in" in the group.

From experience....I understand friendship needs time to build up and deepen...
To fee like "part of" something is important...

You can't try too hard if it's just different.

It's not the same.

thoughts @ International Summer School

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Those fun times...

I left my heart...in SD.

From the day I started packing for home, I've pictured in my head countless times how it'll be like leaving San Diego...leaving the States.

I knew I'll be saying countless goodbyes and meeting a lot of people again for the one last time.
I was prepared to walk on streets, cruise on freeways and visit places, knowing I wouldn't be doing that again in the close future.

However, the funny thing is, no matter how prepared you think you may be, when the time comes for you to finally go, everything just happens a lot faster than you comprehend.
Everything moves like a fast-forwarding tape.
Until you realize it's happening, it has already happened, and you are already gone.


People always say, treasure what you have when you still have it or you'll regret when it's gone.
I think I made the most of my year...and I treasured every single minute of it. However, the inevitable end just makes treasuring all the memories...bittersweet~

I miss waking up to a window of fluttering green leaves and clear blue sky...
& falling asleep to the sounds of the night outside the window.

I miss walking to campus, dreading a long day ahead...
& walking home from campus, looking forward to "Chicken and Vegetables" for dinner.

I miss the times spent in the Love library finishing up a piece of reading for the next class...
& the hours spent at the gym, taking a break from all the studying.

I miss stopping by Peabody's for a White Chocolate Mocha...
& walking into Starbucks in the afternoon for another "coffee" boost.

I miss the nights when Anna and I can make SOMETHING out of NOTHING when grocery runs out...
& still not getting tired of chicken and vegetablesfor lunch or dinner even after we stock up at Ralphs :P

I miss the free afternoons on Tuesdays and Fridays...
& knowing that I can go to one cute Japanese girl in particular to ease my boredom... :)

I miss crawling into bed with Anna fast asleep in the bed next to me...
& knowing the alarm will be going off 10 times the next morning as we both struggle to wake up.

I miss the times when Robert drops by to ask what plans we had for the weekend...
& the way we never know or seem to decide until the last minute. Haha.

I miss dressing up when we go out...
& the way we can always have fun by just being together.

I miss how we can enjoy a quiet night home doing nothing but watching a movie...
& how we can always have fun when we decide on something to do on the weekends.

I miss the place where the sun always comes out shining by noon even when it was overcast in the morning and the sky was grey.

I miss the campus that was so beautiful you don't mind spending another hour of the day in it.

I miss the housing that brought so many international students together and numerous friendships.

I miss...
...the apartment which brought 4 girls together for one great semester...
...the fire alarm which sounds almost every time you cook if you are not careful... :P
...the kitchen, which bears witness to the countless dinner rendezvous...
...the bathroom, where numerous dressing up sessions were mirrored into the mirror...
...the room, where secrets were shared, complaints were launched, gossips was "gossiped", plans were made, party photos were uploaded, and laughter concealed...

I miss so many things...but most importantly, I miss YOU, all of you in San Diego,
who made the whole year special by being there, and giving me the best gift ever - friendship.


I've been home for 5 days, moving on to the 6th...
...but I still think I left my heart in San Diego...=(