Thursday, January 13, 2011

Half a bucketful...

I never consistently tried maintaining a blog for more than a year.
It's always been a period of a few months to a mere few weeks.
I don't know why it never worked out though...

I'd usually have a lot of passion for the first few weeks...but almost like a candle burning, it extinguishes when no wax is left to replenish the fuel for burning.

I've had several blogs over the years, Xanga was probably the one that I kept longest.
But blogs are just sometimes way too "public".
It would probably be better if there was an automatic sensor to each entry as to who can read it.

You can't be too explicit in the things you say, and yet you don't want to keep it too vague.
But what's the point of writing in a public domain when you want to keep things private?
Why not keep your own diary instead? Isn't that going to be easier? You keep the details disclosed to only yourself, and no one else.
But dilemma comes when you read blogs by other people. You sorta feel that you want to do the same, to voice out your opinion to the world instead.

There it is again. My dilemma...

That's probably why I never got to finishing and keeping any of the online blogs I've ever had.

Maybe I should just start writing about random topics instead.
Start up a blog of random thoughts.
Nothing personal.
Just random stuff.

Now...that is a thought...
Something that I might keep going back to.
Every once in a while.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Something that I never had...

Perhaps...
it's the scary unknown
the vast emptiness
silent
engulfing

Can't you see
been caught up too long
lingering
hoping

Unexplainable
irrational
I've reached the bottom
waiting

Pause.

I don't want to fall
made up my mind
it's all or nothing at all

Stop.

because it wasn't
not even merely
a thing I never had
something that wasn't meant to be

***

Somedays I just keep pretending
That you'll stay
Dreaming of a different ending
I wanna hold on
But it hurts so bad
And I can't keep something that I never had

I keep tellin' myself
Things can turn around with time
And if I wait it out
You could always change your mind
Like a fairy tale
Where it works out in the end
Can I close my eyes
Having you lying here again
Then I come back down
Then I fade back in
Then I realize
It's just what might have been

You don't see me
You don't feel me like I feel you.

***

It's a long time since I last blogged here...
Online blogging never really did seem to work out for me...

I either think it's not appropriate to post...or I'm just too lazy to write...
But one thing never changes...
Writing helps to ease my mind and soul...

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Stream of Thoughts.

I hate bearing the burden of an unfinished paper.
Not to mention the unpleasant gloom of an "unfinished" exam.

And the fact that Winter is FINALLY in the air is not helping. Not the slightest.

I am desperate to go out and embrace the spirit of Christmas.
But all I can do now is stay put at home and struggle to concentrate on the last piece of paper for this semester.

Such a bummer.
URGH!

On a side note, I'm utterly looking forward to having a crazy-magical-cam-whoring time at HK Disney this Thursday.
LOL!
Can't wait, can't wait, can't wait!!!

What more than a magical day at "Disneyland - Sparkling Christmas" to lift the moods and celebrate the "soon-to-end" semester?



And I think I'm addicted to Mariah Carey's "I Stay in Love".
I've been hitting that repeat button each time the song stops on my computer.

And Jason Mraz is also pretty good. Surprisingly.
It's not the type of R&B music I usually like but it gives me a completely peaceful feeling after I've listened to it.
Such an amazing voice.

And I think I'm spending too much time on MySpace.com listening to music. LOL!!

Friday, August 22, 2008

Amazement.

I've been anticipating the Beijing Olympics since the word got out that it'll be fantastic this year.
All the secretive rehearsals...the excited atmosphere...the rumours of who'll be the last one to pass the Olympic torch...
Everything's got me to look forward to the 2008 Beijing Olympics greatly.

And after watching the Opening Ceremony for 4 hours...
I must say, China is AWESOME!!
Woot!! Woot!!
I'm in absolute AWE at the creativity and the tidiness of all the people!!

The Opening Ceremony was utterly amazing!!
Very extravagant, very appealing to visual, very sensational!!!
(It was kinda sad that there wasn't much explanation though...it would have been better if there was a narrator or something...)

All the same...
Can I say, tonight...
I'm truly PROUD to be a Chinese!!!!

Not so part of the group.

I figured out it's not the question of "fitting-in"...but the question of "belonging-in" in the group.

From experience....I understand friendship needs time to build up and deepen...
To fee like "part of" something is important...

You can't try too hard if it's just different.

It's not the same.

thoughts @ International Summer School

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Those fun times...

I left my heart...in SD.

From the day I started packing for home, I've pictured in my head countless times how it'll be like leaving San Diego...leaving the States.

I knew I'll be saying countless goodbyes and meeting a lot of people again for the one last time.
I was prepared to walk on streets, cruise on freeways and visit places, knowing I wouldn't be doing that again in the close future.

However, the funny thing is, no matter how prepared you think you may be, when the time comes for you to finally go, everything just happens a lot faster than you comprehend.
Everything moves like a fast-forwarding tape.
Until you realize it's happening, it has already happened, and you are already gone.


People always say, treasure what you have when you still have it or you'll regret when it's gone.
I think I made the most of my year...and I treasured every single minute of it. However, the inevitable end just makes treasuring all the memories...bittersweet~

I miss waking up to a window of fluttering green leaves and clear blue sky...
& falling asleep to the sounds of the night outside the window.

I miss walking to campus, dreading a long day ahead...
& walking home from campus, looking forward to "Chicken and Vegetables" for dinner.

I miss the times spent in the Love library finishing up a piece of reading for the next class...
& the hours spent at the gym, taking a break from all the studying.

I miss stopping by Peabody's for a White Chocolate Mocha...
& walking into Starbucks in the afternoon for another "coffee" boost.

I miss the nights when Anna and I can make SOMETHING out of NOTHING when grocery runs out...
& still not getting tired of chicken and vegetablesfor lunch or dinner even after we stock up at Ralphs :P

I miss the free afternoons on Tuesdays and Fridays...
& knowing that I can go to one cute Japanese girl in particular to ease my boredom... :)

I miss crawling into bed with Anna fast asleep in the bed next to me...
& knowing the alarm will be going off 10 times the next morning as we both struggle to wake up.

I miss the times when Robert drops by to ask what plans we had for the weekend...
& the way we never know or seem to decide until the last minute. Haha.

I miss dressing up when we go out...
& the way we can always have fun by just being together.

I miss how we can enjoy a quiet night home doing nothing but watching a movie...
& how we can always have fun when we decide on something to do on the weekends.

I miss the place where the sun always comes out shining by noon even when it was overcast in the morning and the sky was grey.

I miss the campus that was so beautiful you don't mind spending another hour of the day in it.

I miss the housing that brought so many international students together and numerous friendships.

I miss...
...the apartment which brought 4 girls together for one great semester...
...the fire alarm which sounds almost every time you cook if you are not careful... :P
...the kitchen, which bears witness to the countless dinner rendezvous...
...the bathroom, where numerous dressing up sessions were mirrored into the mirror...
...the room, where secrets were shared, complaints were launched, gossips was "gossiped", plans were made, party photos were uploaded, and laughter concealed...

I miss so many things...but most importantly, I miss YOU, all of you in San Diego,
who made the whole year special by being there, and giving me the best gift ever - friendship.


I've been home for 5 days, moving on to the 6th...
...but I still think I left my heart in San Diego...=(

Monday, April 7, 2008

About to go home...

Spring Break過後,
回歸San Diego的懷抱...
加州陽光再次打在臉上...很溫暖...



With Spring Break ending, and me going back to school again...
I realize that my exchange is also drawing to a fast close.
I have a little more than 5 weeks left in the States.
要回家的感覺越來越強烈了...

這個semester,好像更融入美國的生活...
Everything comes merely out of habit and things around are dealt with familiarity.
香港發生的,除了家事...I seem to know a lot less.

Hong Kong seems far away...
& I feel like I've missed out on a lot of stuff.
But this time round, I'm comfortable in the place I am.

Life goes on for everyone...you can't expect time to stop and wait for you just because you are not around.
An occasional call or email with friends is all I need...
& of course, there's Facebook, which I must say, is an utterly AMAZING way to keep in contact.

So to speak, I no longer feel the nostalgia I use to have last semester nor the strong yearnings of wanting to know what's going on back there.
I like the life I'm living here...and it almost feels as if I could get use to it.

However, as the feeling of going back grows stronger,
I begin to fear that I'm getting much too used to a laid-back kind of life.

The reason this exchange is so appealing is because I get to meet new people, experience a different culture and travel around.

If the States was really the place I grew up in...
I'm pretty sure the reality of life kicks in every once in a while...
you get pressure because of deadlines and school work...
you stress over grades and essays.
And you certainly don't get to travel around every other holiday...

In short, I believe
I wouldn't be enjoying life as much.

However, however, I still think the way people here lead their lives is more appealing.
To work hard & play hard...
Less time in front of the computer...more time out at the beaches...
To enjoy the little pleasures of life more...
Oh well, why shouldn't they anyway when they are living in San Diego, the city with the best weather in the States?

That said, I would also like to say that I simply ENJOY speaking in English 24/7...
I fear that I'm forgetting my Cantonese...and my Chinese is seriously deteriorating...but, whatever.
Give me English anytime!

5 weeks left before reality check...
What a bummer...

I actually fear going home...

Saturday, February 16, 2008

A cool Girls' Night Out...

Movie marathon on Valentines' Night...
Such a blast...

From "Definitely, maybe"
...to...
"Step Up 2"



The sweetest romantic comedy ever - "Definitely, maybe"


and the movie which gets you all hyped up - "Step Up 2"


Such a cool night...
Girlfriends are the best!!!

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Back to school for the 2nd semester...

這個學期
功課變難了
Crashing classes增添了不少壓力
還不知道該選哪些課目
拿不定主意

選擇自己有興趣的?
還是有可能transfer credits的?
即使有興趣...功課卻很多很難...
偏偏兩課又是同一個時間...
進退兩難耶...>.<''

每天如常地返學上課
上個星期
連續七小時
我真的佩服自己的毅力

...還好不是長期這樣,否則我必定瘋掉!!


Crossing my fingers and hoping for the best...

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

We are surrounded!!

School's closed till Saturday...

Monday, October 22, 2007

San Diego schools closed for today & tomorrow...


Official cancellation of classes for today...and tomorrow...
In some ways...it's pretty exciting...
But it's also really scary knowing that right this minute, houses are turning into ashes, people are losing their homes, families are evacuating...
Homes that are 20 minutes away from us are evacuating. I just hope we won't be the next ones...
This is getting scary....>.<

Friday, October 5, 2007

Life with Food again!

Shopping for food finally!



Our first dinner after stocking up on food!


The fridge is now full!

...the cupboard as well!


Ou dinner...




Life is so much more better with food in the fridge and cupboard! We are now having sumptious dinners after stocking up on food! We were definitely starved with no food in the kitchen previously...

My Ekphrastic poem

It's amazing how recognition from people can really brighten up your whole day...

Poetry was never my field of expertise. It really scared me to write something for the class...
and then undergo the evaluation by each of the other students and the professor.

This is my first attempt in writing an "Ekphrastic poem" - vivid description of art using poetry.

I thought that it was crap when I handed it in since this was my very first time, and the words that I used were all really simple and easy. I didn't even rhyme that much. However, the evaluation for my poem today really caught me off-guard. My classmates liked my poem!!
I was shocked AND suprised AND pleased... It really feels good to be recognized...

So for those of you who are interested in what I wrote...Here's my poem...

***


The Evaluation






Things seemed different with a man in the room,
But things still seemed the same.
The wash of greeen and the smell of wood,
the music and twirls were familiar.

Around the walls of green they stood,
waiting patiently for their turn.
Their girl had to be in spotlight, to stand out in the crowd.
At least leave an impression they said,
"You are next in line...ready, go!"

In the heart of the little ones,
they would never think it was their only chance.
On the beat their feet will prance,
to the music their heart will dance.

For leisure, for fun but not for fame,
That man in the room, they forgot his name.


Thus was Degas' Dancing Class,
waiting in line for the Evaluation.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Happy Mid-Autumn...=)

美國...
沒有月餅
沒有蠟燭
沒有人賞月
沒有人玩燈籠
也不會有人猜燈謎
更不會有人知道是中秋節

第一年...
中秋節
不是與家人及親戚過

今天...
與平日沒甚麼分別
節日裏應有的那點熱鬧
似是給遺忘了

晚上回家的時候...
抬頭一望
月亮的確好像比平常大了一點,
圓了一點


遲來的


中秋節快樂...

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Apple

Is it because...
I'm beginning to become Americanized,
or is it just because I'm surrounded by it everyday??

I'm beginning to fall in love with iMac...

Almost EVERY American has an iMac!!
It's an American thing!!
It's pretty unbelievable...

I'm using the Mac computers everyday in the library now...
I love the wash of black and white...

And the new iPod Nano...!! It looks so nice...

Oh wells...let me dream on...it's expensive...!!
But it feels less expensive when it's in US dollars...
Maybe that's why I want to buy it....

iPod Nano costs only $150...

And I just got to know that they both originate from California...
What a coincidence...
Maybe that's why San Diego is flooded by it...=P

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Francais...and Poetry

Another long night of tackling French,
a stack of exercise awaits.
It seemed so much better than the week before,
what a naive wish to create.

Les adjectifs, les verbes spread across the page,
petite, jolie, grand.
Chercher, aime, deteste, desirer,
there's just too much...my God!

It's driving me nuts,
I want to give up.
Whatever sounds right,
I'll just make things up.

Hang on a second,
am I talking in poetry?
But I guess it's good influence,
...good heavens! I'm crazy!

Why remind me of poems,
when there's so much to do.
Tonight's focus is on French,
not poetry, you fool!

Francais and poetry,
they fill up my brain.
My level's just elementary,
Oh, when will this end?

~Alice Chui

***

在此獻醜了...

My sudden urge to play with words...
Not the best poem in the world...but hey! I tried...

Inspired after I took my French exam...
Must have screwed it up totally......=P

French is beginning to get soooo hard...
It's a love/hate relationship...

...and it's BACK to poetry tonight...

SIGH.

Monday, September 10, 2007

2nd Weekend in San Diego

It's really amazing how weekends can be completely different from the weekdays here in San Diego.

On the weekdays, it's all about getting to classes, doing homework and coping with revision that needs to be done...but on the weekends, it's about going out, having fun, shopping and trying out different things all over San Diego.

No one would be thinking about school or classes or homework...it's almost like holiday during the weekends...

Friday afternoon - 7th September 2007

My flat mate and I have been yearning to go to the shops for so long,
we could not resist not going out on such a nice Friday afternoon...
so we made a trip to Fashion Valley on our own...
Introducing my lovely German flat-mate, Anna...

IMG_3419 IMG_3426
...and her new pair of sunglasses...

I didn't buy much apart from a tank and a top.
The things are much too expensive here.
I couldn't bear to spend so much when I know I can get it at a much lower price back in Hong Kong...
I really miss Mongkok...


Saturday night - 8th September 2007

IMG_3430 IMG_3431 DSCF3909 DSCF3910 DSCF3914 IMG_3451 IMG_3447 DSCF3929

Obviously, weekends means getting out of the house and having dinner downtown or some other place...
So a bunch of us went to "The Cheesecake Factory" at Fashion Valley on Saturday night...
You are right...the CHEESECAKE factory!
Mind you, it's not a bakery...
It's a really famous all over California...they have really fabulous dinners...
AND OF COURSE...cheesecakes which are aboslutely AMAZING and mouth-watering...

DSCF3927 IMG_3471 IMG_3449 IMG_3469


Sunday night - 9th September 2007

We brought food to a neighbour's house and had a good meal of pasta (made by me ), omelette rice, salad and chocolate brownie!

IMG_3473 IMG_3474 IMG_3475 IMG_3484

***

And FINALLY...after so long...
introducing my flat-mates...
Alena, Anna, Alice and Anna!!
The 4-As of Villa Alvarado!!!

IMG_3493

Classes I'm taking

People have been asking which courses I'm taking...
It was not really confirmed until before this weekend started...so here are they...

1) ENGL 280 - Introduction to Creative Writing

I never thought I'd be taking this class coz I was terrified by it...
I have no imagination!
My writing is lousy, how can I compare with the locals?!
Where will I get my inspirations from?
How can I cope with the massive amount of homework it might bring?
(I already received homework assignments before class even started )
But since I've arrived at class from the first day, I am in love with the class...


The class is really small, around 20 people and it was really interactive...
everyone would raise questions, give insightful comments and critique meaningfully all the time!!
I felt really out of place in the beginning coz there seemed no way I could compare...
but I ended up staying coz I really didn't want to leave.
I learn so much from this class!
And exchange is all about jumping out of your comfort zone and challenging yourself isn't it?
So I'm doing this class no matter what it takes!


2) DANCE 100I - Beginning Modern Dance


I've been hoping to get into this class since I've seen it in the courses...
Who would think that you can dance AND get credits at the same time??
(Even though its one credit...)
This is just sooo cool! I'm taking this for pure fun and enjoyment...

Modern dance is really different from Jazz...
it's more expressive and has lots of ground movements...but I'm up for the challenge!


3) ENGL 401 - Childhood's Literature

You know I love reading...you know I love books...
So there's absolutely NO WAY I wouldn't be taking this course!!
And I get to read Harry Potter as well!!!


Weirdly though, this is not a course for English Majors...everyone can take it...
And I was so amazed in the first lesson because people were giving really insightful ideas about the children literature we were reading...and they weren't even English majors!!
Another challenging yet cool class that I have to tackle...


4) CFD 135 - Child and Family Development

This is really solely for interest...I figured that the class should be interesting...
I've always loved things that has to do with child psychology...


5) FRENC 100A - Elementary French

I've always wanted to learn French but I could never get the chance to do so...
Learning a new language always seemed so hard for me...
The first class was really a little bit frightening coz the professor was speaking in French the WHOLE time...
I was TOTALLY clueless as to what he was saying...
Had to keep looking at the person next to me (coz she had taken a little French before) to figure out what the professor was saying...
I was pretty terrified that everyone would know what the professor was saying coz they should have taken French in high school but THANK GOD it was a beginner's class and other students didn't know French as well...
SUCH a relief...
I have to do well in French!!!! I love the language!!

***

So that's it for this semester...that's all the classes I'm taking...